Summer Project: Parenting, Interrogations, and Small Talk

Emery at his very first sleep away camp. 

In the past, I usually embarked on a summer project with Emery, very often linked to academic topics. This year, we’re getting a late start, but our summer project is inspired by a blog posting I read titled “What are the skills every 18-year old needs?” Yes, I realize Emery is only 13, but he starts high school in August, and some of these are going to take a while. Also, I’m not planning on focusing on all 8 as some of these are beyond my capabilities. If I were to fabricate situations of his coping with interpersonal relationships, risk taking or problem-solving, I would actually be interfering with the author’s advice to let them take care of their own business. In fact, Emery could develop most of these skills if we would just stop doing things for him, buying him everything he wants, and scheduling so much of his time that all we expect his contributions to the family to be academic and extracurricular.

In fact, most of these skills are better developed if I were to just stop micromanaging Emery’s life. But, I am going to make sure he has the opportunity to take more of a part in household chores and start finding his way around places, and talk to strangers. This last piece of advice doesn’t mean students need to know just how to talk to strangers but to communicate face to face with people. I can’t tell you how many times I hear adults lament the fact that today’s student can’t communicate in ways other than through technology.

In my new job, I have the opportunity to meet with prospective and incoming students. I was very impressed to have had breakfast with several of them the other morning and not one of them looked down at their phones the entire time they were with me. And, several of them asked really good questions. However, the conversations were more of an interrogation/ lecture session, which I guess makes sense since it was more of an information gathering occasion. This conversation was quite different than the conversations I have with their parents/ guardians, which are more small talk than anything.

Emery's Response
When it comes to some of the 8 mentioned in the article my mom linked, I feel like a lot of them have already been learned. While it is true my mother micromanages A lot of my life, going to extracurricular activities and camps are times where she isn’t controlling everything. Because of this, I’ve found out how to take care of myself. For most of the things, I tend to do them very well, like finding my way around a campus. But I did have some trouble with a few, for example, talking to strangers. At first, when I was rather young, this was not a problem. I spoke what I felt because I didn’t even think someone could take it the wrong way. Then, as I became more self aware, I realized that everything I say to someone can have a negative consequence, even if very small. I stopped talking to people except ones I knew very well. But now, I’ve stopped caring most of the time about what I say because I know very well now what to or not to say. This is why I feel the most important thing to a conversation is having good judgement, and knowing how the person acts.