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| The Bring It moms show off their dance moves. |
As I’m writing this, I’m watching the last episode
of this season’s Bring It. The episode
before this one, the Dancing Dolls came in second place at a large competition.
But the way it was represented it was as if they lost. There is loss and rejection
in the show. Sunjai, for example, gets cut (a sort of rejection) almost every week
from the elite stand battle team. She must deal with the rejection of not making
the cut. And, when the team doesn’t make first place, it’s as if they seem to “lose”.
And the team has to discuss how to deal with that “loss”. (I say loss because
really is second place that bad?)
Our children experience both loss and rejection
in their lives. I never thought about it until one of the parents at an audition
Emery was at today commented on the fact that her child had chosen an activity (acting)
that has a 90% rejection rate. She might be exaggerating, but it was a profound
observation to me. A child might be rejected for a role because he or she is not
tall enough or loud enough or cute enough. They don’t get to continue beyond
the audition. Whereas a child on a basketball team (or golf or art contest)
might submit a work or play in a game where they are not the “winner”. But, they
get to play in the game. Which is worse? Which is harder? Is there a difference
between rejection and losing?
I don’t know. Personally, winning or losing or rejecting
wasn’t something I really noticed when I was a child. I didn’t mind losing the run
for student council secretary when I was chosen as drum major. Which leads me to
the realization that I need to just back off. Perhaps our children don’t recognize
the difference or even the implications in the way we do.
I loved watching the Bring It moms put on costumes and dance for the season finale (they even do a stand battle!). I can’t
sing and act like Emery can. It makes me realize that my child is capable of things
I was never capable of at his age, and that I was able to do things he is not capable
of. But my job is to provide him with the resources that he needs and not push
him into things he doesn’t enjoy.
So, what do you think? Is it easier to deal with
rejection or losing? Should we avoid activities that favor one or the other?
Emery's comment: It's true. I'm cool with it but sometimes they hire someone when they are terrible at the part but look like that character. I'm auditioning for a big part and most likely they will choose the one that looks like more like the character. Oh well.
Emery's comment: It's true. I'm cool with it but sometimes they hire someone when they are terrible at the part but look like that character. I'm auditioning for a big part and most likely they will choose the one that looks like more like the character. Oh well.
Philosophically I would say that losing is much easier to stomach as opposed to rejection. Now, could I have articulated this as a pre-teen/teenager? Probably not, although I think I knew it at a subconscious level. Losing evokes a sense of competition, whether in a one-on-one arena or as a member of a team, be it in sports or in auditioning for a role in a production. In loss, as long as I put forth my best effort, I can console myself that I was bested by a superior opponent or competitor, and then, taking what I learned from the experience, I can refocus my energies in an effort to improve myself or play better as a team.
ReplyDeleteRejection, on the other hand, implies that some entity, person, or panel has weighed me and found me wanting. I was denied, not because I was necessarily worse that someone else or because I did not do my best, but simply because what I was offering was not good enough. Many times, the rejection comes without qualification, so there is no way to know why I failed or how to better my chances next time. For me, rejection leads down a much darker path.
Emery, always compete, never be afraid to lose, and do not take missing a role as a rejection, but as a lesson to be learned from, with the understanding that, especially in the arts, aesthetics and personal tastes replace quantifiable criteria, and what one person or group dislikes, others will undoubtedly love. It is all about finding your ideal audience!